Everything Feels So Different

I’m at a point where everything feels so Different. I live in a Different place, I travel Differently than I used to, I am no longer around the same people anymore.  All this time I thought I would grow my hair as long as I possibly could, but my friend Jenn spotted even before I did that it was weighing me down.  I thought she was crazy when she suggested that I cut it…  For a while my hair didn’t feel very healthy even after I got trims.  I kept trying different shampoos and formulas, but nothing seemed to work. The lady who cut my hair back then kept telling me that my hair was so healthy and that I should always keep it long…  I was flattered, but not convinced.  I figured that if I found the right combination of shampoo and conditioner that my hair would go back to being long and luscious like it was.  Then I got struck by a series of events and I cut my hair out of the blue.  It took a little bit of a push on my friend’s part as in taking me to the salon to have it done, but then I told the lady I wanted to donate it and now I have a new look.  Who would have guessed that I would get an A-line bob that comes to my hairline? 

Throughout that first month of short-hair-ness it felt so Different.  I was used to feeling beautiful with long hair, but now it wasn’t there.  I finally decided a month ago that I would embrace having short hair for awhile then maybe in the fall I would let it grow.  I have gotten lots of compliments and mainly criticism from guys who I think attribute beauty to long long hair.  I guess hair is a bigger deal to guys than I thought.  Some of them have even had the nerve to try to tell me not to cut it anymore and let it grow…  There was a time when I would have felt bad and would have started growing my hair, but now I really don’t care what they think or in what way I am beautiful to THEM.  What matters now is how I feel about my self.  This is definitely a DIFFERENT perspective and I think it shows some healthy growth.

In the past I think people noticed my hair first.  Now I hope that my personality can better shine through.  Even though I look Different I am Definitely still me.  I think I brought this whole “hair story” up because it is a great example of change.  I did not want to change the way my hair looked I wanted to keep growing it longer and longer, but finally I opened up my self to the change and I am glad that I did.  I feel a lot lighter, sassy, and my neck doesn’t ache as much as it used to.  These are all good consequences to a choice I made…  See?  Consequences aren’t always bad they can be quit grand.

Right now I feel a little unsettled because things are so Different.  I am even adjusting to serving a new role which is more for myself, my faith in God, and my healing.  People that I thought would always be there have left and I have also started making more of a conscious decision to fully live my life and take responsibility for my decisions.  There are times when it feels so lonely and uncomfortable, but that’s how my haircut felt.  Now I am SO glad that I did it and I haven’t regretted it once since I decided to chop it off. 

I am learning that often thinking about what we plan on doing is far scarier than actually doing it.  Change can be terrifying, but it is the only thing in life that is constant AND I am trying to embrace my life in a Different kind of way…  Where I worry less.  I have spent so much time being stuck in fear and now I feel ready to put on my sexxy “big-girl panties” and be strong as I continue walking in the direction I choose.

I hope you are having a wonderful spring.  Remember that it is the different colors in a painting that can make it even more beautiful.

Peace, Joy, and Love Always,

~Alana

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