Is There a Price to be Nice?

I am trying to wrap my mind around the concept of, “it’s probably because you’re so nice.”

When people turn mean and bitter.

When friends shut me out without even giving me an explanation.

When family and friends take me for granted.

When I end up falling for a jerk once again.

When I feel like the option rather than the priority.

When guys get the wrong idea and try to make it into something it’s not and it turns all awkward.

When I get the ground pulled from under me.

When I try to help, but it just makes people more upset.

When I feel like I am being overlooked.

When people I work for do not value my contributions, work, and talents.

When I am expected to take the blame.

When I become the scapegoat for someone else.

Maybe these are all issues that everyone deals with.  Is this just life?

When I share my frustrations with friends I trust, they often turn around and say, “It’s probably because you’re so nice.”  What the heck does that really mean?  When being a nice person seems to be connected to lots of life’s stressors; it begins to almost feel like a curse rather than a blessing.

I don’t try hard to be nice.  Should I feel bad or guilty because I was raised with manners and strive to have integrity?  I try to see the good in people and I guess I trust and hope that they will see the good in me.

Is life just not like this?  Is being a nice girl just getting me screwed over?  It sure feels that way sometimes.  I am not trying to rant and have a self-pity party up in here.  I know that I am far from perfect.  I really just want to understand and learn the lesson so I can stop being used and screwed over.

People say to be assertive and develop a tough skin.   People talk to me sometimes as if I am naive, inexperienced, and don’t know what the world is like…  In my mind I think, “If they only knew what I have been through…”  There is no doubt in my mind that I am strong, tough, and resilient. I just don’t brag about it and walk around with my chest puffed up flaunting my tail-feathers like a male peacock.

Maybe being nice is a little bit of a curse or at least a habit for me.  I have such a strong habit of being laid back that when situations strike I forget that I am strong and don’t stand up for myself.

Over the years people, both friends and foes have said the meanest things:

“You’re too nice.”

“You play the victim role”

“You’re no threat”

“It’s your fault”

“You are making me drink”

“You got yourself into that situation”

“You are causing ALL our problems”

“You’re retarded”

“I can’t lie about the fact that you’re obese”

“You are weak”

“You have a weak ego”

“How did I end up with you?”

“You are so ugly”

“Because you’re short you are like a walking target”

“You’re making me beat you”

“You need to stop eating because you’re gaining so much weight.”

“Girls like you are meant to be used”

I just don’t understand how anyone can say these things to people and why?  The worst part is there were times when I actually believed every one of these phrases.  It honestly makes me sick to think about how long I walked around with all these toxic messages weighing so heavily on my soul.  It hurts and I am so glad that through the grace of God and lots of prayer; I began my journey towards healing.

We really do have to be so careful about the messages we send to each other mentally, physically, verbally, spiritually, emotionally.  They really are powerful whether or not we mean them in the way that they are interpreted by the recipient of the message.

We must be almost more careful about the messages we believe and send to ourselves.  A message only has power when you believe in it.  This goes for both positive and negative messages.  Be Careful what you listen to and who and what you believe in.

I like being nice and kind, but I do not like being used and abused.  Is this the price to be nice?  I like being cheerful, kind, and helping others, but I don’t like being hurt.  I am noticing a pattern.  I still want to be me.

Maybe I need to learn to be assertive.  It probably also goes back to learning how to set healthy boundaries.

This sounds like a trail-head to another journey and I am ready for it!  Here Goes!!!

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4 thoughts on “Is There a Price to be Nice?

  1. I totally relate. @$$holes are a dime a dozen. True nice people seem to be rare. And, I believe the truth of it, is that, there ARE many nice people. But we have been taking the high road for a long, long time. And swallowing pride. But when a nice person loses their patience once and for all…. oh Lord, watch out! lol

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