“Distance is NOT for the fearful, it is for the BOLD. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.”
I couldn’t agree with this quote more! I feel so blessed to be in such a wonderful relationship that has helped me grow and become stronger than I have ever been before. Not long ago we were practically constant companions and once I started my job it was so wonderful to come home to him. I really treasure our friendship and relationship.
When he started his new and exciting job we knew that we would sacrifice some time together, but it is for the greater good and I am so happy that he enjoys his work. Our time apart has given me a chance to focus on myself and learn about my strengths and weaknesses. Along with that; also my insecurities… I guess I worry that with the distance he will forget about me. Sometimes when I am alone I doubt myself and worry that I am not good enough. I have struggled with self-esteem and confidence issues for such a long time and it is something that I want to overcome.
I want to believe in myself and know that I AM good enough. I want to have the confidence to know without a shadow of a doubt that I Deserve a loving and healthy relationship… That the good things in my life that happen are not a fluke or a mistake or something that is going to fall apart. That he really wants to be with ME.
My insecurities do not come from the way that he treats me or from lack of caring. He believes in me and supports and uplifts me. He brings out the best in me and wants me to believe in myself. My insecurities come from me and my lack of self-esteem. I think the abusive relationships of my past unraveled and frayed my self confidence. If someone beats you down and tells you that you’re useless, retarded, and incapable; you start to believe it. It is like a disease that overtakes your spirit and your being. As a result, I have sabotaged good things in my past because I didn’t think that I deserved it. Or even if everything was fine I wanted to destroy it before it all fell apart…
It brings tears to my eyes to remember how little I believed in myself from my late teens to mid-twenties. I am proud of the progress that I have made since then. I have come such a long ways in my healing.
I don’t want my insecurities to ruin a good thing for me and sometimes I feel myself swaying in that direction. I want to be the strong woman who believes in herself and knows that she deserves to be loved and cherished.
I am grateful for the distance because it brought all of this to light. This is an opportunity for me to face another one of my demons. Even though we spend time apart. The time we spend together is quality and means more than ever before.
I will use this time as an opportunity to practice:
I feel a lot better now. xoxoxo.