At this point, I feel totally and completely exhausted and I am not exactly sure why. It is not from working out hard because these past two weeks have more or less been recovery days for me. Am I exhausted from being lazy? I guess that could be possible.
I think more than anything that I am mentally exhausted. I have been spending so much time and energy stressing about the future. I am stressed about starting evening classes next quarter and not being able to fit everything in. I am stressed about my schedule changing. And this past weekend I was so stressed because I couldn’t get in touch with my boyfriend and I started creating all these stories in my head about everything that must be wrong. On Saturday night, I was a wreck.
When it was all said and done; nothing was wrong. He has just been super busy working around the clock and his phone is clearly defunct with the shattered screen and faulty functionality. I clearly need to work on my stress levels and not allow my worries and anxiety to get out of hand.
Today I have felt completely wiped out, exhausted, and unmotivated. And I have noticed that these past few days I have been grasping for food and coffee to give me energy. I don’t want to depend on food as much as I have been. I feel worn out, stressed out, and worried about money. When I switched jobs in September; I knew that it would be a sacrifice. I thought I did the math, but I don’t think I realized that including the summer months I would be making half of what I used to make each month. It was My decision, but it is still a significant pay-cut.
There are days when that in itself is super discouraging. I am still working really hard. I just need to remind myself WHY I chose to make that sacrifice. I wanted to focus on my studies and moving forward with my life. If I was working all those hours that I used to work; I would not have time to study. And even still; I haven’t been studying as much as I could.
What are some good things that happened to me this past week?
- Now that I have a puppy I am spending more time outside getting fresh air.
- My calico kitty Alleyjandra did not get out that one night (I will have to tell you that story in another post.)
- I had a good week at work.
- Over the weekend I cleaned the kitchen thoroughly and cleaned both bathrooms.
- I made progress with going through my things and purging some of the clutter.
- Last night I re-committed myself to my computer studies.
- I had a wonderful visit with Christopher and it was nice to know that everything was just fine.
- I actually love living in the middle room. It is the perfect amount of space and easy to keep tidy.
So good things are happening I just need to keep my eyes and heart open to them. I started the year off great! I was going to the gym regularly. Lifting weights. Logging my food on Myfitnesspal. Then in February I started to get massages and that was when I started incorporating my “rest days” to get the full benefit from my massages. We got a green house and I started gardening. Then in the midst of all that I moved out of the master suite and into our middle room. Then immediately following that a few days later, Christopher came home with our new puppy. Surprise SURPRISE!!!
I think what I am getting from all of this is the realization that I need to work on my transitions. I work so hard to establish a routine and I feel amazing once I have my habit established, but just the thought of transition or change stresses me out. And in most of these cases the changes threw me completely off balance. I want to work on being more flexible and going with the flow. Being fluid like water and open to the changes. I guess that means that I need to grow deeper roots and become more centered in my life.
This is ALL a part of the Transformation process and project, right? I think that I could benefit from practicing yoga and meditation. This is good timing. I have started my spring cleaning so that is a definite plus!
I don’t think that I have been doing the best with the “Let’s Move For A Better World challenge.” I started out strong and I wanted to badly to fully utilize this opportunity to take lots of classes at another gym. I was even hoping to start working out in the morning before work, but I haven’t been able to work out the logistics. I have a good routine of waking up at 6 am to take care of Ruby and the cats AND make my breakfast smoothie. That has been a bit of an adjustment in itself. I am going to choose to be proud of that!
Before we got Ruby, I could barely pry myself out of bed at 6:45 and that was barely enough time to run out the door so I AM making progress. I just need to stay open to possibilities.
Here is a reminder that shows my goals for March:
Meditation and Mindfulness
Begin Spring Cleaning.
Build My Foundation
- A Girls gotta get her beauty sleep!(this applies to you guys too!)
- Eat Clean.
- Move Your Body!
- Plan your track and track your plan (keep a food journal
- Create a Vision Board
- Do What you must.
- Create Healthier Habits.
Focus On Faith
- Go to church on Sunday.
- Learn about faith.
- Count my blessings.
I haven’t been logging my food as consistently as I was on Myfitnesspal these past two weeks. And there are a lot of other things that need work. I am just going to start from where I am. I won’t beat myself up about the past anymore because that’s done. And fretting about the future won’t help anyone. So I am going to just more forward from right here and now.
I am still really tired so I think that I am going to get to bed a lot earlier than usual and hopefully that will help me to recover and feel energized by tomorrow. I think that it is a shame and a waste to have gorgeous days and good health, but to feel too exhausted to enjoy any of it. I don’t want to be that person anymore.
I want to be STRONG and PROUD and live my LIFE OUT LOUD!!!!
I hope you had a Marvelous Monday, my dear darling friends! What is the BEST thing that happened today?
Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,