Transform Your Life Project #20

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This week was educational for me.  I learned how to sit with my decisions.  It was not easy.  I spent the entire week feeling down and unhappy with myself.  I have learned that I do not deal with stress or uncertainty very well and often times I stay in place because I know what to expect.  The problem with that is that staying where you are does not always help you grow.

“There is no growth in the comfort zone.  There is no comfort in the growth zone.”

I like the idea of being bold and fearlessly taking risks, but the execution is challenging because my mind gets clouded by fear.  That fear becomes paralyzing and keeps me from growing.  

I have been spending the past few months clinging to food and the comforts of home to help me deal with stress.  I know that it is not the best way for me and I especially dislike the way my clothes have been fitting.  This past weekend I felt really sad, down, and insecure.  I have reached the point where I am ready to do something about all of this.

The Good Things that Happened this Week:

  1. I am officially registered for “Computer Science Foundations” this FALL!!!  No waitlist.
  2. Our garden is thriving and flourishing.
  3. We found a good respectful person to rent one of the rooms in our home.
  4. I have officially stepped up my house-keeping game and kept up with the chores all week.
  5. I took some time to deeply reflect on my weaknesses and have a better idea of where to go from here.
  6. Christopher and I have set an exciting goal for us to work towards together!!!

As a whole, this was a challenging week for me.  I felt stressed out, sad, and overly emotional.  I have been here before.  There was a time when I did struggle with some depression and PTSD and in the past I usually made big impulsive decisions.  Or I would feel so down and low until some kind of disaster would strike and I would have no choice but to get moving.  

In my past, I would say that I had legitimate reasons to feel down and depressed.  I went through some hard times and had lots of healing to do.  It has been a long journey and I am definitely a work in progress.

Now, I don’t have any real reason to feel down and depressed.  I have my health, my family, a safe place to call home, I am in school, and I have this golden opportunity to work on thriving rather than merely surviving.  The only thing that holds me back now, is myself.  My excuses, fears, and consequences of procrastinating.  I want to be better than that because I know for a fact that I am capable of SO much more.

I still fall into the pattern of self-sabotage and often times I feel inadequate or worry that I am not good enough.  Honestly, I think they are just excuses and I have been a little daunted by the hard work that I need to put in.  I guess you could say that I have been too complacent and lazy lately and I am ready to change it.  

I would rather spend my life chasing and pursuing my dreams rather than running from disasters and recovering from hard times.  Life is hard and it is not always fair, but I want to make the most of the life that I have.  I want to step outside of myself and dream bigger.  I’m scared, but I am ready to be bold and give it a try.

May:

Mix It Up!

  • Get creative.

  • Re-organize your life.

  • Paint Something.

  • Do something you’ve never done before.

  • Go on an adventure!

It is time for me to start pushing myself.  I am ready to enter the Growth zone!!!

Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,

Alana xoxoxo

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