I have spent a lot of time re-analyzing the past and thinking about the way things should be. Self-reflection is a good thing and it can help us to learn from our mistakes.Spending too much time in the past becomes harmful when the shadows of your past draw you in and keep you stuck.
I used to think that it was best to always “forgive and forget.” But the problem was that I would completely forgive and forget then get hurt again. So I have learned to forgive, but not forget the lessons I learned.
Most recently I have noticed that I dwell on the past so much that it becomes paralyzing. In these cases, it is the more immediate past. For example, when I fall behind with an assignment instead of working to catch up I spent the entire weak being upset with myself and it just perpetuated the problem. I couldn’t think straight and then I fell further behind. These problems build on themselves and I want to start building a different pyramid.
I am going to start with the acceptance that this is the way that I used to be and now I am going to change. Like my boyfriend once said, “the bottom of the pyramid is the biggest so it takes the most effort to build, but as you get to the top it gets easier.” I am going to expect to struggle a little (maybe a lot since everything is so new). I will stop shaming and beating myself up for getting behind and stuck and just start moving forward from where I am right here and now.
Here goes time to let the past go and move towards what is coming up next!