Beautifully Broken

I can tell that I am making progress…

Some facets of my life are coming together and are becoming beautifully polished.  Facets that were always a struggle in my past.  For the 1st time ever, these pieces are starting to make sense and I am piecing together the puzzle that used to baffle and frustrate me.  My health.  Nutrition.  Relationship.  I feel overjoyed.  Thrilled.  Happy.  Supported.  Too Blessed to be stressed.

Now all my doubts, fears, and insecurities are consolidated in one place…  I am trying to face them, but I feel like I am failing at conquering them.  It is not easy to face your fears directly.  Walk up to them and give them a piece of your mind.  It consumes your mind, heart, and soul to overcome them.  And mine have me sweating uncontrollably, feeling lost, scared, and alone.  

I am not giving up, but I feel like I am failing and it’s NOT from lack of trying.  I am trying so hard and I am making great progress, but my pace is too slow.  I worry that I am not cut out for this.  In fact, I am the wrong fabric.  It is so hard for me because I need to re-fabricate myself to be more resilient and malleable.  

I have everything I need to succeed, but the fears and doubts in my mind have created a blockade in my brain.  This blockade is damn good at keeping things out especially the knowledge that I need to succeed.  My fears are the soldiers that fight and sabotage me. I spent years believing and accepting that I would never be able to do this.  And now here I am boldly doing the thing I never thought I could do.  I still feel like I don’t belong here.  

I want this so badly, but my mind plays games and tricks on me.  It tells me that it is impossible.  

I need to start believing that I’M POSSIBLE  

 

 

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