How To Love

Hello My Dear Darling Friends!

I have a confession to make…  I hate to admit it, but I have turned into quite the complainer!

There was a time when my complaints were probably warranted.  I was struggling to get by, working my a$$ off and still not getting the respect that I deserved in my workplace.

My life has transformed since then which is such a blessing!  After taking years off to work multiple jobs, I was finally admitted into school.  I started making positive changes and on my journey I met the man of my dreams and now we have a house, a business, 2 cats and a dog!

My boyfriend has been there for me through so many ups and downs and he helped me leave my past behind by not dwelling on it.  This was probably the MOST effective approach to healing for me.

My challenge is believing in myself.  He and I are at different places in our lives.  He is a go-getter who also struggled too, but he got his $hit together and now runs a successful business and has many projects that he is working on.  He is confident and passionate about learning and life.  I think that if I was studying education or something swimming related that I would be more confident in myself because that is what I have been doing for the past 10 plus years ( teaching, coaching, and sharing my love of swimming with others).  I was in my element and I loved it, but it was hard to find a sustainable job that would also pay the bills in that field.  The hours were also demanding and not the best for family life (if in the future I decide to have a family.)  I made the deliberate decision to face my biggest fears in life and study technology.  It turns out that it is harder for me than I imagined.

Then there is the stress of still thinking that I am not good enough…  I don’t know why I do it.  This self-sabotage thing that keeps me from becoming the best version of myself.  I guess I need to learn “How To Love.”

“I just want you to know that you deserve the best your beautiful.”

I remember the first time I heard this song, it resonated with me and was so relate-able.  Then I watched the video and burst into tears.

“How To Love”

Lil’ Wayne

Cut the music up, little louder

yeah

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you’re in a corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

For a second you were here
Now you over there
It’s hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Never had a love

When you was just a youngin’ your looks were so precious
But now your grown up
So fly it’s like a blessing but you can’t have a man look at you for five seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself, so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back ten times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulders

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you’re in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

For a second you were here
Now you over there
It’s hard not to stare the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Had a love

Oh, you had a lot of dreams that transformed to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn’t your fault
Wasn’t in your intentions
To be the one here talking to me
Be the one listenin’
But I admire your popping bottles and dippin’
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don’t be mad
Nobody else tripping
You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

Oh,
See I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
Yeah

And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual
Far from the usual

You see you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

Yeah, see you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love, mmmm.

I need to learn how to love myself and then I will be able to better love the people that I love the most.
For a long time, I thought that my complaints were just valid concerns and that I was being strong and finding my voice by voicing them.  But, it turns out that my complaints have just been the accumulation of my crazy little insecurities proclaimed in a vocal loop.  Okay, that’s a wordy way of saying that I have gotten into the habit of complaining and it has cast a shade on my days that keeps me from seeing the solutions.
The biggest problem with complaints is that they quickly morph into excuses and people who make excuses never get very far.  I don’t want to be one of those people anymore so I am ready to change!  It is perfect timing because I start school on Monday.
From now on, when I feel like complaining I am going to take a deep breath in then let it all out in breath form rather than the convincing words that keep me from moving forward.
I know, that was a little heavy for a Friday morning.  Just know that I love you all and hope that you will have an amazing day today!!!
And remember:
“Don’t cast a shade on your day with complaints.”
I usually try to stay away from “don’t statements” when offering advice to others, but this one has to be the exception because it is critical to break the habit of complaining.  Let’s count our blessings instead!!!
Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,
❤ Alana Xoxoxo
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6 thoughts on “How To Love

  1. I know that self destructive stress but too well. But I’ve learned that I have to turn that stress into working harder to prove myself wrong! Need to get rid of that dirty feeling of always needing to complain… I’m also trying to talk myself some courage here haha. Let’s do this together Alana! ❤ Sarah

    1. Yes, let’s do this together Sarah!!! You are such an amazing inspiration. You have no idea how much I appreciate you taking time to encourage me and share some of your story too :).
      This self destructive stress is so stifling. I am sorry that you have felt this way also. You are a beautiful soul who is so radiant, joyful, and creative. We can overcome and rise above it all Sarah!!!

      ❤ Alana

      1. Hi Sarah!
        Thanks for tagging me in this post! I think it will be a fun way to reflect on last year and get even more excited about this new year!!!

        ❤ Alana

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