Hello My Dear Darling Friends!
This week was busy and full of activity. The best part is that it was the most productive week that I have had in a long time! I made it a point to create a schedule for myself the night before and this made all the difference in the world.
One of my weekly goals was to get perfect attendance at school. And guess what?!?! I did it!!! In fact, it was this specific goal that kept me on track even as the weekend hit. I noticed that once the weekend started, my life spiraled out of productivity. The lesson that I am going to take from this is that I operate best with structure.
My organization and cleanliness was a definite point of contention this week. Almost all of the other areas of my life have been coming together so nicely. I have also been growing in confidence, but due to my busy schedule, I was less able to stay on top of household chores. I resorted to storing my things in the closet. In the past my bf and I agreed that it was acceptable to store things in the closet so that it would not clutter the common areas. For some reason our full (and yes, less than organized closet) really bothered him. I understand that it is far from ideal, but my priority has been on attending my classes and getting all of my work done! He just saw it as me making excuses. I hate arguing and by the end of it I felt like absolute crap. Out of all the good things that I have been doing why was this detail so highlighted?!?! He came around and we both apologized and discussed it, but even now; I feel a little overwhelmed and less motivated. It is crazy how things can turn our world upside down if we let it.
I am enjoying my classes. It is mid-term week and we got our final project assignment. I feel like I could be getting more work done for school. I want to do it all. I want to find the balance between my academic life, personal life, and life around the home. I don’t want to be judged for being human and not always being perfectly organized. I know that perfection is not expected. I just want to be accepted and respected.
Also, this week I was unable to work out outside of my dance workshops at school and my nutrition was far from clean. Overall, I am not feeling great about myself.
On a lighter note, my victory was on Saturday morning when I did not want to get out of bed, but I did it anyways and drove myself to DJ Training. I was almost certain that I was going to go home after DJ Training and skip Afro-Brazilian Dance, but then I reminded myself that it was the very last class of the week and I could get perfect attendance for the entire week if I made it. So I got myself a coffee from the local cafe and sat down to some lunch. I am so glad that I made it to class!
Now coming back to my feelings of internal and external disarray… I think once again, that it comes down to having less stuff. I still have more possessions than I can manage so I better make a goodwill drop off soon so that I can whittle my items down to a manageable state. I don’t like feeling chaotic or disorganized either.
This month my goal is to focus on FAITH. I do believe in God, but I am not as religious as I used to be. I still pray and do my best to be a good person and be kind to others, but I do not always make it to church on Sundays.
Focus On Faith
- Learn about faith.
- Count my blessings.
- Actively build my confidence.
- Believe in myself.
I know that faith is powerful and I would like to cultivate it in my life. I feel almost silly complaining about not being able to find the balance in my life. Why am I “crying” over chores and getting my shit together?! I know that there are people around the world who do it all. They are able to have families and still work full-time and go to school. I think it is time for me to show myself some “tough love.”
This week I am going to continue to write a daily schedule for myself since that worked so well last week. I also want to make smarter choices. This week I definitely felt addicted to Netflix and Star Craft. I think it is okay every once in a while, but it will not help me reach my goals.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed and down on yourself? Comment below to share your thoughts!!!
❤ Alana Xoxoxo