Transform Your Life Project 2.0: Week #6

Hello My Dear Darling Friends!

This past week was tiring and a lot less productive than last week.  I know why.  It snowed and so school was cancelled the first 2 days of the week then I did not get the memo that we had class the 3rd day so I missed that.  I was hoping to redeem myself over the weekend, but we had to deal with emergencies up north twice which means nearly 3 hours of driving one way if traffic is bad.  I was really looking forward to a school field trip on which we were going to watch a modern dance company.  Sadly, I was not able to make it back in time.

To top it all off I got a painful little slap on the wrist for not being consistent with my household chores.  It was a very civil conversation that was not meant to illicit hard feelings or emotions, but I could not help but feel embarrassed and defensive.  I have noticed that the state of my room is similar to my mental state. I guess that term “messy bed messy head” is accurate.  Thankfully we got through it and I am going to work on being more organized and consistent.  I always knew that it should be something for me to concentrate on.  I always operate best in a clean and organized atmosphere.  I have a feeling everyone does.  

On Friday evening I was so disappointed about missing the performance then on Saturday I missed my classes. It was a heavy weekend.  Then on Sunday night we had to head north again to deal with some business issues.  I kind of felt like I was wasting my time, but I know that my support was important to my boyfriend.  I think that is part of the compromise and sacrifice-factor.

I learned something about myself…  If I am hurt or disappointed it is challenging for me to let things go.  I allow myself to dwell on the problems and they end up bringing my morale down a couple of notches.  I want to change this about myself.

Additionally I have been down on myself for my weight.  This is the heaviest I have ever been.  I need to start scheduling in a workout routine for myself.  I also want to start preparing my meals ahead of time to save my waistline and my wallet.

So I guess you could say that I am dealing with the “same old same old.”  I feel like this time is different…

Today after my morning class at school I got a feeling…  The kind of feeling that you get when you just know that something could be wrong.  So what did I do?  I called mom and dad.  They were busy at the time, but quickly called back.  My dad was in the clinic for a kidney transplant consultation and my mom asked me to stay with him while she dealt with some other pressing business.  I was thankful that my timing was right and I was able to be there for my dad.

My dad has stage IV kidney disease and needs to find a donor for a transplant so that hopefully he will not have to go on dialysis.  My heart sank at the news.  Every disease and health problem stabbed at my heart more and more.  I could feel the tears welling up when he told the doctor that he gets out of breath even from walking in his ordinary life.  He has also had to live with Type I Diabetes since his early  thirties along with heart disease, gout, kidney failure.  And the list goes on.  I know that a lot of it has to do with being overweight, poor nutrition, and lack of exercise.  We have been a one-income family for over 26 years and even now he has to wake up around 3:30 because he commutes to work.  He has made tremendous sacrifices for his family and his health has suffered severely.  The whole thing breaks my heart.  I am sorry.

I am not trying to get everyone’s pity.  I think I just needed a moment to vent beyond journaling.  I also wanted to re-affirm publicly how much I need to clean up my act and clean up my life.  

I am so blessed to have an amazing family and an amazing boyfriend.  I better take better care of myself so that I can increase my quality of life.  I think that this sad news regarding my dad is meant to be a blessing in disguise and a call of action to us all.

Focus On Faith

  • Learn about faith.
  • Count my blessings.
  • Actively build my confidence.
  • Believe in myself.

I have been very down and hard on myself about my weight again.  I think it really is time for me to actively take action!

How many of you have a good morning and evening routine?  Please comment below to share.  I would love to hear all about it.

I hope you all had a very Happy Valentine’s Day! I want you all to know that your love, support, and encouragement means so much to me!!!

Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,

❤ Alana Xoxoxo

 

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4 thoughts on “Transform Your Life Project 2.0: Week #6

  1. Hi Alana, so sorry to hear it about your dad. It’s not pity, but something I can relate to… I love my dad more than anything, he holds a piece of my soul… Even though he’s a health freak, he has his health issues that are also getting worse. Furthermore, it is okay being worried and sad. I think, like me, that you’re too harsh on yourself. The fact you can’t let go of things, is because you actually continuesly diss yourself for having said something or done something. The truth is, we spend so much time worrying about what we did, that we can’t focus on what we should… And deep down I know that, but I can’t help it. About the health thing, we are all adults and know what is good for us. But I’ve stopped forcing myself to follow rules, I just make sure I can’t fall off track by not getting anything in the house that isn’t healthy… I always cook vietnamese or belgian, always have veggies and always have rice. And we only keep the soda for visitors, it’s so far in our garage, that you have to go outside to get it. So I only drink water…
    anyways, I’m all over the place again! You know I’m there for you, if you need me! <3<3 xoxo Sarah

    1. Thank you Sarah!
      As I grow older I go back and forth between reaching for acceptance and sitting in terror of the fact that our loved ones will not be here with us forever in a physical sense.
      Life is so precious and delicate and even then it is easy to take our blessings for granted. I think I am going to start focusing more on what you said a little while ago…
      Finding joy in the little everyday things in life :).
      We both are too harsh on ourselves. I have gotten further away from rules too. I know that my “Transform Your Life Project” seems like it is full of rules and goals, but I have managed to see them more as guidelines or choices. Lots of choices and variety to choose from.
      That is a good idea to stick with healthier varieties of food. We have started eating more steamed veggies. I also bought a lemon this evening so I can start slicing it and putting it in my water.
      I am here for you too, my dear darling friend. I am glad that your dad is conscientious about his health. There are conditions that happen to everyone as we age, but leading a healthy lifestyle definitely adds quality to life.
      Thanks again for being here for me. I am here for you too!

      ❤ Alana xoxoxo

  2. I’m glad we can help and support each other Alana! Your posts often make me think about certain topics. If it could inspire you, I try to think each day of something I’m happy about: like the fact that winter is almost over and that now when I go to work the sun is shining. Or how I’m thinking of a topic to write on my blog. Coming home and petting my rabbits and giving them treats. Or just watching a movie. Though I do have to admit, I am the happiest when I’ve been doing something useful or creative: making a huge batch of freeze meals for my diet, writing out my meal plan (even if I don’t follow it haha), writing my plans in my agenda, writing my blog ideas down,… I also am very happy when I see the BF enjoying things, how he likes to watch his aquarium, how he can be so content lying in the couch or how he can enjoy the food that I made… Gosh, my list is endless, I could even get happy popping bubble wrap film haha. I guess it all comes down to being mindful about what we do and experience :). Because when we’re mindful, we’re there, in the moment taking in every little aspect in our surroundings… Our minds are like birds, flying out and exploring, instead of staying in the golden cage we made ourselves… Wishing you a nice week Alana!! <3<3 xoxo Sarah

    1. Hi Sarah!
      Thank you! I love your ideas for staying present. They are beautiful sources of happiness. I am also thankful that winter is coming to an end. I always love all the colors and blossoms of spring time. I am really enjoying my program at school and am enjoying learning again. It is refreshing after feeling so discouraged and having a rough fall quarter. I am also crazy about my 3 cats and the dog. My boyfriend is healthy and inspiring. There is a lot to be happy about. Thank you for reminding me, Sarah!
      Have a lovely weekend!!!

      ❤ Alana Xoxoxo

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