Hello My Dear Darling Friends!
How was your week? I had a rough week and even my phone had something to say about my week:
So yeah, that’s pretty accurate and I guess the phone doesn’t lie. On Tuesday I was feeling so vibrant, upbeat, and strong. We had our dance teacher back for dance workshop and I felt so free-spirited and alive throughout our class. Usually I feel a little shy and apprehensive especially when she tells us to dance free-form or improv. A few weeks ago she gave us this in choreography exercise then asked us if we preferred being dancers or choreographers. I decided that I liked being a dancer because I could focus on interpreting the choreography rather than creating it.
Fast forward to this past Tuesday I was feeling so beautiful and strong and even my stretch partners told me that I was strong and my classmate Olivia said that I looked beautiful and had a glow. After all that at the very end of class one of my group members asked if we could show her our poetry project since she had to leave early. Those last few moments of class felt like a mad rush. I had brought my laptop with our audacity recording and we were frantically getting into our places. Lupe and I had spent hours practicing together last saturday and the rest of our group was doing their best to fall into place and remember the choreography. It came together so nicely, but at the very very last moment in our final arabesque pose; something felt different (maybe it was because my partner was different or maybe it was just stress) but all of a sudden my leg made a loud cracking sound and my heart dropped. It was painful and I was so embarrassed that it happened in front of the entire class.
The next day my doctor said that I popped a ligament in my leg and that I need to rest it and probably not dance in the memorial. My leg is still in a lot of pain, but I feel thankful that I can walk.
On Thursday I decided to stay home and ice and rest and it worked out because campus got shut down. We have had some protesting activity going on on campus and last week it got really heated. Campus was shut down for 2 days for the safety of the students. The 2nd day was the saddest because the science carnival and Kabby’s Memorial got cancelled. That morning I met my mom at Farmers Market for lunch and to listen to my former piano teacher, but I still felt very uneasy about the events of the week.
Last night I read on the news that campus was shut down because there was mass-killing threat call to 9-1-1 in which the individual said that he was armed with a gun and was going to execute and murder as many people on campus as he could. So campus was shut down for 2 days for our safety. I don’t think it happened, but it was still alarming and really scary to find out. Campus was re-opened this Saturday and statements have gone out about the current events. I don’t want to live in fear, but this still makes me feel very uncomfortable. I am supposed to have class this week on campus and am still very concerned.
With everything that has been going on, my mind has been flooded with negative thoughts and it has been difficult to focus on school. Thoughts like: “if I had left early from class on Tuesday I probably would not have been injured” (but I never leave dance class early) or “the memorial got cancelled and I feel like I got injured for nothing.” or “if there was to be a school shooting, I don’t think campus would be properly equipped for it and I can’t run very fast with my strained hamstring.” And then I am also trying to be there for my family and I want everyone to be happy. And on top of that there are my little fears and insecurities that still plague me on the daily. I think this is all part of life and I need to rise above it all. It is true that I cannot live in fear I need to keep moving forward.
Make Time For Family and Friends
- Write letters.
- Remember birthdays.
- Be Generous.
- Be Present.
- Don’t Gossip.
This month’s focus is to make time for family and friends. I want to approach this from an angle of making sure that I prioritize my life and make sure that I take care of my needs first. Like health, homework ,healing, fitness, and goals. It may sound selfish and I think that a lot of times I thought it was to put myself first. But what I am currently doing is not working so I need to change it.
If I am healthy, happy, and strong then I will be more able to help others and be fully present. This ties directly into “Don’t Gossip.” I have been complaining and gossiping a lot lately, Mainly about myself and my challenges, but it hasn’t helped me to move forward.
I think it is time for me to practice seeing the sunny side of the world again. It used to be second nature to me, but at some point I lost my way. I want to be positive, upbeat, and good at solving problems rather than making them.
How was your week and what are you going to do to make this next week better?!?! Comment below to share!
Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,
❤ Alana Xoxoxo